My Sexless Marriage Is Killing Me, Now What?

my sexless marriage is killing me.

Every married spouse has a lot of expectations at the back of their minds as they anticipate marriage. So, naturally, sexual satisfaction is at the top of the list. But when you find yourself in a sexless marriage, that’s something else. You are probably wondering what could cause it and how you can safely go about the situation. That’s the purpose of this article. So, follow on.

Defining a Sexless Marriage

I suppose, before anything else, it’ll be best to define what a sexless marriage is. According to experts, sexless marriage or relationship is one whose partners enjoy little to no sex. How many times of sexual pleasure is enough? That’s quite a tricky question since couples are different. One couple may be okay with having sex ten times a year, while on the other hand, another couple may find that frequency dissatisfying.

Experts do not entirely address the question at hand while talking about the frequency at which a couple may have sex. Instead, they judge it based on the quality of the sex. In a nutshell, it is not only about how many times you have sex with your partner but also about you enjoying every minute of sex with your partner.

Statistics on Sexless Marriages

According to a 2018 General Social Survey conducted in the U.S, approximately 19% of 659 married people admitted to living in a sexless marriage. Furthermore, this class of married folks disclosed that sex frequency was between 1 or 2 times a year. Others even reported not having any sexual intercourse in the previous year. Now that’s crazy if you ask me!

It gets scarier; 35% of the 659 married people had sex about 1 to 3 times a month. So while 25% had sex every week, 21% had sex for some countable times every week.

Now, let’s get some analysis from the survey. First, it does not take Rocket science to notice that married people have less sex than their counterparts in the other world. Then, as if that’s not enough, Four out of five couples deal with mismatched libidos, according to this study published in a medical journal.

Why Are Sexless Marriages on the Rise?

Why in the world does it seem like marriage is killing sex? Well, if you look at it, there’s not a single reason. Many factors are likely to influence the frequency and quality of sex in married people. These include;

• The married couple does not give a hoot about sex.
• Sex is not anywhere on top of the couple’s priority list.
• Neglecting pleasure and intimacy.
• Constant conflicts in sexless marriage bring about the disconnection between the married couple.
• Health issues. For instance, erectile dysfunction, age, and pain during sex, among others.
• One of the spouses or both has no sexual attraction.
• Sexual trauma. When one of the spouses has sexual trauma, this makes sex a frightening moment.
• Mismatched libidos. That is when one spouse wants more sex.

Does a Sexless Marriage Have Any Effect on You?

There is no cause for alarm if both spouses have no problem with their sexless marriage. However, when one of the spouses is feeling unhappy with their sexual status, there could be a problem. Here are some effects that you are likely to have if you are the one suffering;

• You might develop negative feelings such as resentment, rejection, loneliness, guilt, and inadequacy. There is also the issue of sexual avoidance.
• A disconnect between the couple is inevitable.
• The couple may begin to become impatient with each other.

Can Your Sexless Marriage Affect Your Marriage?

Whether your sexless marriage can affect the health of your marriage or not is completely dependent on you. How is that? As I said earlier, some couples have no issue with their sexless marriage.

While sex could be a problem in your marriage, that does not mean that you will have an unhealthy marriage. But I’m also not saying that you won’t have one either; it all depends on your individual needs, how you communicate them, and how your spouse fulfills them.

In some instances where the negative effects take charge, what results is a negative cycle. The negative cycle may affect the relationship.

When to Walk Away from Sexless Marriage

Are you considering giving up on your marriage? Well, get this point first. Whether you should stay in your sexless marriage wholly depends on how you view sex as an individual. How important is sex to you? Sex is a body-shuttering experience that’s hard to do away with. However, you can survive without sex with your spouse in your marriage, as you will see shortly.

When to walk away depends on you as a couple. Are you open to working together to create a sexual life that is mutually gratifying? Have you discussed the sexual status of your marriage? Are the two of you making any efforts to make sex better and more pleasurable? These are critical steps that will make or break your marriage.

Walk away from your marriage if;

• Your partner does not want to work together towards meeting your sexual pleasures.
• Your marriage is broken beyond repair.
• The sexual interests are different in that you cannot enjoy sex together. And at the same time, you can’t agree to look for ways to explore common ground.

How to Deal With a Sexless Marriage as a Women

Enough of the sad story. About missing out on the bewildering orgasms morning and evening because of your sexless marriage. Now we get to the crux of the matter; how do you quench the fire of sexual dissatisfaction? Read on. I promise you that every word from now onwards is worth your time.

Have a Conversion

Having a conversation with your partners comes first before any other thing. I mean, your marriage had its beginnings when someone talked about their feelings. Right? Well, talking could be the cure to your sexless marriage.

Engage your partner in a conversation geared towards working on the situation as a team so that, in the end, you have a win/win solution. Remember to develop a strategy that will work for both of you and not just one of you. That is because sexual interests often differ; one partner may want more sex, while the other may want less sex. Always ensure that the subject is on the table for your partner to realize its importance.

Remove the Stumbling Blocks

I think it is quite significant that sex dies when people get married. And that could be due to some stumbling blocks that do not create the right environment for sexual satisfaction. Relationship difficulties, power dynamics, the significance of sex in your marriage, the sex itself, and other factors can all get in the way.

Instead of getting mad at your partner, it is vital to develop some curiosity about why your partner is having difficulty fulfilling your sexual needs. Once you identify the obstacles, work around them with your partner to enhance a healthy marriage.

Prioritize Sex

Make sex a regular part of your marriage life. Practice acts of intimacy ensure you integrate them. The problem in sexless marriages is that we often become physically intimate once in a while. That is not the best environment for fulfilling sexual needs.

Make Sex More Fun

How about spicing up your sex. Have you thought about it lately? Well, if you have, you may be wondering how you can even do it. Of course, not even putting on that Rosey nightdress can make your partner give you sexual satisfaction. But that doesn’t mean you are hopeless. There are more than enough ways you can spice up your sex. I’m talking about sex toys!

I know you are freaked out at the very thought of using a sex toy on your vagina. You probably don’t see the need to bring a sex toy to your bed. Huh! Let’s face it. Sex toys are not for every couple or everyone. But if you can give it some thought, let me offer you some inside information on the benefits you reap from using sex toys.

First of all, sex is the adult’s playground. It is where you and your partner let go of yourselves and get playful. Just as we get our kids some toys to incorporate into their play, we can also get ourselves toys to enhance our fun on the playground.

Research suggests that women use sex toys more than men. And that is because a woman’s vagina requires different kinds of stimulation for an intense orgasm. But, more than that, women need powerful clitoral stimulation for optimal pleasure. Now, I get that you don’t need a sex toy to play with your clits. But sex toys can take you to greater clitoral stimulation heights that neither you nor your partner can.

But sex toys are not just for bewildering orgasms. You can also use them for intense sexual sensations, which you cannot have without them. With these great benefits in mind, who wouldn’t use a sex toy in a sexless marriage? Not me!

So what kind of sex toys are available for you? There’s plenty for you to exhaust. They include;

• Sex toys designed for couples. It is pretty obvious that any sex toy qualifies to be a couple’s sex toy. However, there are specific toys that serve both you and your partner during sex. An example of such toys is the Adrien Lastic Smart Dream Clitoral And G-Spot Stimulation. The vibrator provides sensation on the G-spot, clitoris, and your partner’s penis simultaneously.
• Vibrators. You probably know that vibrators come in different models and functionality. We have bullets and wands used externally and insertable rabbits and vibrators. You get to select your choice based on how you’d like to use them.
• Dildos, strapons, and plugs. This category comes in handy for vaginal or anal penetration.
• BDSM. BDSM toys, also called accessories, are also great if you want to have some crazy play with your five senses. These go from blindfolds to bondage tapes.

Before you bring any sex toys to your bedroom, remember to bring your partner on board. Your partner may not be quite open to them in some instances, but you don’t have to worry. If you show them why you both need sex toys, they’ll come around. Remember, there are many misconceptions concerning sex toys in marriage, so don’t be surprised when you meet temporary opposition.

You should also practice shopping together so that you get the one sex toy that fits you both. It allows you to know your partner’s sexual interests and preferences. Of course, you also get to learn theirs too.

How Vital Is Sex in Marriage?

The importance of sex in a relationship varies depending on the pair and the persons involved. In general, studies suggest that sexual pleasure is connected to general relationship satisfaction, but this does not imply that more sex is always better. If anything, more sex in your marriage can cause stop improving your happiness to a certain degree. On the other hand, other couples are perfectly content even if they do not have sex. So, in a nutshell, you get to decide how vital sex is in marriage.

You stand to enjoy the following benefits if you have enough sex in your marriage;

• It Fosters Intimacy. Intimacy between couples is an essential part of marriage. When you leave sex out, automatically, that spells problems with how a couple connects. After sex, the body also releases chemicals called endorphins in the brain, responsible for bonding.
• It relieves stress. Did you know that sex is a good stress reliever? Know you know. It happens when the body produces endorphins in the brain during sex. It turns out that the hormone has many other benefits aside from bonding.
• It helps couples solve their problems. It is not strange that couples often have arguments as years go by and become used to each other. Fights resulting from differences of opinion are more frequent and often result in alienation. Since sex is good for bonding, it also creates the perfect environment for a truce.

Instead of indulging in a confrontation, sexual intimacy helps couples go through their conflicts more compassionately by allowing them to see past their differences to discover mutual understanding that benefits both of them.

• It is an effective exercise. Sex consists of vigorous activity, which aids in burning 200 calories per 30 minutes of sexual intercourse. Experts equate the exercise part of sex to stair climbing or brisk walking. During intercourse, you also get to engage your muscles. It also helps in shaping your lower back, belly, and thighs.
• Sex boosts your self-esteem. It is always good to feel great about ourselves. The thought of someone wanting us so bad is like hitting the stars. And that is what sex offers you. Intense and exciting sex shows you that your partner can’t get enough of you.

Sex plays a significant role in any relationship. The benefits go from physical to mental. If you are suffering from sexual dissatisfaction, find out why and work through the troubles together with your partner. Don’t forget to make sex more fun and worthwhile by incorporating sex toys in your sex life.